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July 11th,2007Ok so it's another mornig...not feeling as bad as yesterday morning.... Though yesterday I took a leap and called a therapist's office to make an appointment.......to get an answering machine...so I leave a message and still no call back yet ! I just want to scream " Do you know how bad I need this ?? Do you know how much that took for me to even call you ?!? " ...I don't know ....lol...blah... My mood: very blank
July 10,2007mornings for me now are usually tough.. First I wake up and shower,hug my son and make him breakfast,and we get dressed..this all goes great... I tell him I love him ............and I couldn't love him more.. but then it hits me ...the sadness ...I just start thinking I'm alone.Totally alone...the thoughts consume me that we are alone.we will alone all this day ...and night ..and the next day ...and the next day ......... And it makes it worse because he misses his dad ........and his grandmother ...I miss her too...since she moved ......and I feel guilty that I'm all he has now and I am broken and depressed. I need to be the strong one.I need to just move on.......but all I do is silently cry to myself and smile for him ............ everyday.... something just has to change .
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